Flea you fools!

GA_Excellent Summer picIt happens as soon as the weather warms up: flea invasion. The animal kingdom scratches in desperation as these creatures take over their bodies. Being made of paper I don’t suffer any of the symptoms and actually have made friends with a few of the parasites, so much so that I decided to allow one of them to explain the phenomenon: I give you Pete “P” the Flea.

*Pete is a little over dramatic and has low self-esteem issues. He requested that no pictures of him would be posted.

A Flea Plea
Why was I born a flea? I could’ve been a beautiful butterfly or a protected bee but no, the universe conspired to bring me into this world as a hated creature, one with a very short existence and the need to feed from someone else to survive. Of course it is a common theme throughout nature but when it comes to fleas we get the rotten end of the deal.

Why wasn’t I born an exquisite shark? Nobody gives him grief for devouring fish or catching that elusive seal…

What about your beloved vampires? You think of them as beautiful, complicated and sensual beings… yet they also need precious blood from others to continue their existence (Note to self: make friends with the vampires).

I am no fool. I understand the hatred. We invade your cute pets, your plushy carpets, the new couch, even that lovely bed with our blood-sucking regime. Just thinking about us makes you scratch! As much as you love the warm summer months, you know we have been dormant since winter, waiting for the sunshine to wake us up so we can hitch that uninvited ride on your cat while she enjoys her morning walk (in her harness no less – humanizing cats, preposterous idea), taking us to our never-ending buffet.

Desperate scratching: our fault - Pete the Flea

Desperate scratching: our fault – Pete the Flea

You can try to get rid of us. It is almost funny seeing you try. Poor feline getting bathed every week and treated with “miracle” drops to banish the pest away while you frantically wash all your sheets and vacuum like there is no tomorrow; it’s a good workout and probably gives you some success. No doubt. But my human friend, more of us are already brewing in your garden starting the cycle all over again. Because no matter what the world thinks about fleas, we are part of the circle of life.

As for me, it is just too hideous. Can’t do it anymore. That is why I am giving up the fight. I will go out into the garden to hopefully be eaten by an ant while she’s investigating the watermelon from the picnic (sweet death!); but knowing me the end will happen inside the mouth of a lizard as he’s doing one of those crazy push-up moves (at least tell me why you do that?).

PS: One last piece of advice: we don’t mean harm, but it is our nature. Those worms and ants in your yard? They keep us out of your property. Be kind to them. Keep your pets safe.


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*ATTENTION: I am not a veterinarian. I am a proud member of the Felis Silvestris Catus family, (translates to “domestic cat” –  an inside joke in the cat community) that kindly shares his knowledge of our species to you. I can’t provide specific treatments for your feline friend. Please refer to your veterinarian. Meow!   /   *ATENCION: No soy veterinario. Soy un orgulloso miembro de la familia Felis Silvestris Catus (que se traduce en “gato domesticado” – chiste interno entre la comunidad gatuna), que con amor comparte su conocimiento de la especie con ustedes. No puedo proveer detalles específicos para tratar a tu amigo felino. Por favor, llévalo al veterinario. ¡Miau!